note # 26: Under the Influence of Jet Lag
I am officially on a non stop jet lag, it’s been seven years now. I usually make life-changing decisions every six or seven years, but the biggest change of all was when I moved from one side of the earth to the other seven years ago. Since then, I've been in this constant jet lag.
Right now, I am writing this from my hotel room in Dearborn, Michigan, my head feels heavy and I can barely focus on what I am writing, but I want to try and write while I am in the midst of this severe jet lag attack, maybe it is not that severe, it’s still 9:00 a.m. and I slept at 10:00 p.m., but my body feels like I only slept for 3 hours, I feel like eating a big meal, nothing resembling breakfast but rather a stew of some sort, with a beer maybe.
Other than the usual symptoms of jet lag, which I am not that keen on including insomnia, mild depression, bathroom disturbances, heavy head, there are certain aspects of it that I am getting addicted to. Jet lag makes me calm, it’s what they call lethargy, but I feel it as calmness, time slows down, and there is no way to make it go faster, it allows me to pause, in many moments I feel like I am meditating, my head is so slow, it takes a break, it might not make a lot of sense, but I enjoy this slowness immensely, especially that I've become an expert at not committing to anything that requires my brain to go fast for at least 3 days when I expect to jet lag.
So, I am now writing under the influence of jet lag. I love the moment when I cannot control the sleep attack, it feels a storm hitting me and that there is no way I will be able to stop it, so the out-of-control-self is very satisfying and challenging and in so many ways sexy, I feel I go to a place where nothing worrisome really matters, all the small details that I usually spend time on or care about no longer matter, everything feels ok. I am realizing now, that jet lag might be my drug: it allows me to stay in bed for many hours, and I can feel that my body is thankful for that, it allows me to space out, it softens me, I worry less and care less, I just ate seven dates to stop the craving for a stew.
My eyesight becomes blurry, and my dreams become vivid. Moving in between those two visuals, I see the world differently.
Since I've been time lapsing between two “planets” over the past seven years, jet lag helps me cope with each landing by blurring my focus and memory, I become less aware of the harsh realities of each planet and more sensitive to the skies, smell of summer or end of summer rain, appreciating landing safely and with the least damage possible on each planet.
I will not speak here of the part where it gets painful awakening from jet lag, when the realities of each planet start to clear out.
On the road again, at this moment in Seattle at the public library, a big part of me does not want to end the road trip, I am now trying to see if it could continue for ever like hoping to be jet lagged for ever.