note #8: the impossibility of words
I can never tell you
I can never draw for you
I can never even bring you close
To seeing what i see now
Past
Already past
That moment existing in the moment
Back in the forest
Between the trees, a few minutes uphill from the street
In the center of nothing but this forest
Never before nor after
Never under or above
I will never be able to know it again
In that way i have no words for
I want to tell you
I want to keep record but it just can never be
For it was right then and there a moment all my life
I could only just see
Listen
Touch
Taste
Feel
And be
Listening to my breath
As it mixes into pure air
I could only just try to keep to memory some of that life
I lived so fleetingly
I cannot tell you how green green was
Or how brown or those colors between green and brown how much they were themselves
I can never tell you how velvet
How damp
How rotting
How alive
And how dead
How immediate and how mysterious
How basic and how decaying
How big
(i, so small)
How young and eternal and time has new meaning
So does pain
The burning
The break
The loss
The howling wind blowing
The fog offering my eyes a new lense
Escaping
Moving on
I will never be able to tell you how changed i am
Touched by the enchanted forest
If i may lay on its earth and beg to be taken
My skin against dirt
Brown to brown
Beyond reason
Beyond anxiety and heartache
Perhaps
Just under the creek ice
I want to rid my body of its shame
And hunger
All i have to offer is my own pee river to the earth
Take me as you know me
Take me you are too big to see me
Take me for a moment i feel well
Joyful and crystal clear alive
Like the sharp chill
I can almost forget my heartbreak
My heartbreak is only a branch broken to make way
For breeze
Here i feel myself small
My life small
The life of my family
The life of my people
Any people
The life of the burning
The life of the lost
In the cycle of millions of years
Stardust
To dust
As trees
Fall
And make way
To fire
And make way
To death
And make way
To life
And in between i hope for love.