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note #8: the impossibility of words


I can never tell you

I can never draw for you

I can never even bring you close

To seeing what i see now

Past

Already past

That moment existing in the moment

Back in the forest

Between the trees, a few minutes uphill from the street

In the center of nothing but this forest

Never before nor after

Never under or above

I will never be able to know it again

In that way i have no words for

I want to tell you

I want to keep record but it just can never be

For it was right then and there a moment all my life

I could only just see

Listen

Touch

Taste

Feel

And be

Listening to my breath

As it mixes into pure air

I could only just try to keep to memory some of that life

I lived so fleetingly

I cannot tell you how green green was

Or how brown or those colors between green and brown how much they were themselves

I can never tell you how velvet

How damp

How rotting

How alive

And how dead

How immediate and how mysterious

How basic and how decaying

How big

(i, so small)

How young and eternal and time has new meaning

So does pain

The burning

The break

The loss

The howling wind blowing

The fog offering my eyes a new lense

Escaping

Moving on

I will never be able to tell you how changed i am

Touched by the enchanted forest

If i may lay on its earth and beg to be taken

My skin against dirt

Brown to brown

Beyond reason

Beyond anxiety and heartache

Perhaps

Just under the creek ice

I want to rid my body of its shame

And hunger

All i have to offer is my own pee river to the earth

Take me as you know me

Take me you are too big to see me

Take me for a moment i feel well

Joyful and crystal clear alive

Like the sharp chill

I can almost forget my heartbreak

My heartbreak is only a branch broken to make way

For breeze

Here i feel myself small

My life small

The life of my family

The life of my people

Any people

The life of the burning

The life of the lost

In the cycle of millions of years

Stardust

To dust

As trees

Fall

And make way

To fire

And make way

To death

And make way

To life

And in between i hope for love.

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